My Favorite Season

Even feeling as terrible as I have been this past month, I can't help but be grateful for the arrival of my favorite season. The crisp, cool air. The ripening apples on my apple tree. The chrysanthemums. The changing foliage. The promise of caramel apples, cozy sweaters, and hot chocolate. That back-to-school feeling. Sparkling, lovely autumn. It makes me want to bake a pecan pie. It makes me want to throw a party. It makes me want to read books in the park, greeting passersby in my sauciest British accent. And though none of this is likely in my current state of physical discomfort, you know where to find me next fall. Good day Gov'na!

This Fetus is Sucking Away My Life Force.

This fetus is sucking away my life force.

The New Super Movie Line Ultimate Knock Down Champion Is...

Todd! Missing only seven.
Second Place: Shana and Angie tie. Well Done Everybody!

1. Billy Madison
2. Braveheart
3. The Breakfast Club
4. Bring it On
5. Charlie's Angels
6. The Fellowship of the Ring
7. Edward Scissorhands (nobody got this one!)
8. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
9. A Few Good Men
10. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
11. As Good As it Gets
12. Beetlejuice
13. Batman
14. Back to the Future I
15. Austin Powers II
16. Billy Madison
17. Nacho Libre
18. 300
19. Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
20. Office Space
21. Orange County
22. The Usual Suspects
23. The Others (nobody got this one either)
24. The Princess Bride
25. Psycho
26. Strange Brew
27. Happy Gilmore
28. The Matrix
29. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
30. The Wedding Singer
31. Napoleon Dynamite
32. Groundhog Day
33. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
34. Mars Attack!
35. Napoleon Dynamite
36. A Series of Unfortunate Events
37. Drop Dead Gorgeous
38. Blades of Glory
39. Juno
40. Shrek

Super Movie Line Ultimate Knock Down Championship

I declare myself the Super Movie Line Ultimate Knock Down Champion. Anybody wishing to challenge my title will please email their answers to disortor@gmail.com. Also, if you would like to test me please feel free to leave your favorite movie line under "comments". May the force be with you. No using the internet to cheat. Angie I'm looking your way.

1. "No milk will ever be our milk."
2. "I didn't like him anyway. He wasn't right in the head."
3. "Face it, you're a neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie. What would you be doing if you weren't making yourself a better citizen?"
4. "Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded."
5. "The Chad is great."
6. "Ash nazg durbatuluh."
7. "You can't buy the necessities of life with cookies."
8. "I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nose punk leave my cheese out in the wind."
9. "What are we going to discuss next, my favorite color?"
10. "Do you know the dolphin? Do you call him at home?"
11. "Must try other people's clean silverware as part of fun of dining out."
12. "Don't mind her. She's just upset that someone dropped a house on her sister."
13. "I've been dead once already, its very liberating."
14. "Last night Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take (name) out that he'd melt my brain."
15. "You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California."
16. "'Sorry' doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it (name)?"
17. "I'm a little concerned right now, about your salvation and stuff."
18. "Bow to Xerxes!"
19. "A lot of respectable people have been hit by trains."
20. "It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."
21. "A writer? What do you have to write about? You're not oppressed, you're not gay!"
22. "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."
23. "Are you mad? I am your daughter!"
24. "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
25. "We all go a little mad sometimes."
26. "The power of the force has stopped you, you hosers!"
27. "Good news, everybody! We're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today."
28. "I know kung fu."
29. "This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!"
30. "We're living in a material world and I am a material girl. Or boy."
31. "Smashing in the face of a pinata that resembles (name) is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire gem state."
32. "Well what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today."
33. "Nothing shocks me, I'm a scientist."
34. "I want the people to know that they still have two out of three branches of government working for them, and that ain't bad!"
35. "She said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining every body's lives and eating all our steak!"
36. "I've opened my heart to you two loverly children and your hideous primate."
37. "The swan ate my baby!"
38. "No exaggeration, I could not love a human baby more than I love this brush."
39. "This is one doodle that can't be undid, Homeskillet."
40. "I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder!"

If You Can't Say Something Nice.

You want a new post do you? YOU WANT A NEW POST? Let me entertain you. So I haven't been my usual congenial self lately. Though I have hurled but twice, yet everyday for the past oh, I don't know, I have had to suppress the urge to do so. Because suddenly I have a heightened sense of smell so keen I could be used to track down criminals. And what an incredible smell I have discovered. My house reeks. That air-freshener I so enjoyed a couple weeks ago, my shampoo, the refrigerator, the garbage cans, toilets, the carpet, my children, my husband. *shudder* Even my own scent makes me dry heave. I also have a severe aversion to anyone touching my stomach, or having to change diapers, or having to move at all really. And I cry a lot, all of which make it more challenging to be my home-making, outgoing, ever-witty self. But I don't like to complain. I like to look at the glass half full. Like at least I know I stink. Some people go through life never realizing. And I imagine that could really hold you back in your various endeavors.