Ode to Public Education: Part One

Has it really been ten years already? In some ways it seems like yesterday, and in other ways it seem much longer ago that I graduated from high school. Either way it still haunts me. You probably don't understand; you probably enjoyed public education. Good for you. Why don't you go put on your Letterman sweater and shut the heck up? Sorry, I'm a little bitter. And here's why...

Cobb Elementary School

I was never very special. Not in the positive sense at any rate. From kindergarten through the fifth grade I was painfully shy and had really messed up front teeth, and a blinking eye tic. My mom clearly cut my bangs (as you can observe in exhibit A), dressed me in Victorian era inspired jump suits and I couldn't read analogue clocks. Nobody in my neighborhood liked me. Nobody at church liked me. Few kids at school acknowledged my existence. I recall being excluded from girl circles, getting into slap-bracelet feuds, and being sent to the Principal's office for hitting someone in the face with a tether ball. You can only imagine how excited I was for the clean slate middle school offered.

Middletown Middle School

Well, not exactly a clean slate. Middletown Middle school combined three elementary schools which meant my class went from thirty-five kids to about ninety kids, so there was still that thirty-percent who remembered the unfortunate tether-ball incident. Still, I had had braces, I was sporting sweet new glasses, and although I still couldn't read analogue clocks I was determined to turn my antisocial life around.

Riding the school bus changed my life. It arrived each morning at 7:30 at a cigarette-strewn shanty about half a mile from my house. It was always packed to full capacity with the motliest collection of foul-mouthed high school and middle school students Cobb Mountain had to offer. And since my stop was second to last I had to sit wherever I could. And generally the only open seats were those in the very back with the pirates; a dangerous place for an eleven year old girl in stirrup pants. I witnessed a lot of things back there. Learned many delightful new words and phrases. Saw a kid light his leg hairs on fire. It was a long bus ride with many a sharp corner. Fortunately for me weed + stoners = exceptionally accommodating seatmates and so I was befriended, my life experience expanded, and all the second-hand marijuana smoke probably helped me relax a little.

Of course Middle school wasn't all uncomfortable bus rides. There were plenty of other things contributing to one's discomfort. Like having to change for gym, when all I owned were granny panties. Or when a kid from my core class told me he was going to punch me in my "four inch forehead". Or my seventh grade yearbook photo where I look exactly like the deaf kid pictured above me. I was a nerd from my golden perv glasses all the way to my K-Mart tennis shoes. But the elevation from being rejected to mostly ignored was welcome. I did have a small group of equally nerdy friends, and being one of the eight kids chosen to go on a school-sponsored trip to Japan filled me with a small but happy confidence.

As far as public education is concerned, I peaked in the eighth grade. The summer after I went to Japan I got contacts, a more age-appropriate wardrobe, and started wearing mascara. I bought my first cassette tapes: Ace of Base, and Green Day. By some mistake I was put in the smart class with the smart kids and was able to make more nerdy friends than ever before. That year I was voted "prettiest eyes" in the yearbook. I had arrived. Little did I know it was all downhill from there.

To Be Continued...