Ten Reasons Why I'd Rather: Part One

A wise man once said, "To pick up clothes and wash them, dry them, fold them, and put them away is the lamest, most time-consuming chore known to man." And you know what? He was absolutely correct. You know what else? It wasn't a man who said it, it was a woman. And that woman was me. I have no beef with the dishes. No problem vacuuming, or washing the windows. But laundry is the never ending gentle cycle from hell. My Friends, I give you Ten Reasons Why I'd Rather Eat Canned Spinach Than Do My Laundry...

1. While canned spinach smells horrible, Andy's stinky socks smell far less appetizing.
2. Disgusting as it may be, spinach is packed with vitamins. Who knows what's packed in my children's pockets.
3. Eating an entire can of spinach couldn't take longer than forty-five minutes. Completing a single load of laundry could take me forty-five years.
4. I would rather have Popeye on my side than that creepy snugly bear. Popeye has more integrity and would probably make a better friend. I guarantee you that snugly bear has a shady past and is not to be trusted. Plus Popeye could kick the crap out of snugly bear.
5. Puke stains.
6. Yes I've heard of Spray and Wash. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.
7. Spinach doesn't shrink to baby-doll size when you accidentally dry it.
8. If I save half the can of spinach for later, it doesn't grow into an unconquerable pile of spinach so enormous and deep I fear for my children lest they fall into its murky depths.
9. My mom has yet to become so concerned about my ability to eat canned spinach than she gives me a step-step-book about how to go about it.
10. There are limitless cans of spinach in the world but I have nothing left to wear.

Liono Vs. Jack Skellington Presidential Debate

Liono: "So it has come down to you, and it has come down to me."

Jack: "Would you mind putting the sword away? Its just a little distracting."

Liono: "This is no ordinary sword. This bad-boy is the Sword of Omens! With it and my enchanted claw shield there is none who dares oppose me!"

Jack: "I oppose you. And I believe that if the public took a closer look at your healthcare plan they would oppose you too."

Liono: "How can you sit there and talk about Healthcare when you're dead?"

Jack: "Touche."

Liono: "What did you call me?"

Jack: "And what of your shady past? You don't expect the public to believe that was catnip in your dormroom back on Thundera."

Liono: "Since I have been Lord of the Thundercats Thunderian crime has gone down thirty-seven percent, the planet is cleaner, and our kittens are receiving a better education. I think my record speaks for itself."

Jack: "What, your record makes no mention of your possible indiscretions involving Cheetara?"

Liono: "You have absolutely no proof of that!"

Jack: "But Mr. Ooogie Boogie-"

Liono: "NO PROOF!"

Jack: "Ok fine. My point is, the public needs a leader they can trust. I am an open book; Yes, I attempted to steal a holiday. Yes, I kidnapped Santa Clause. I can be honest about my mistakes. And that is something that clearly sets me apart from my opponent here."

Liono: "He's a friggin' skeleton people!"

Jack: "By the way Liono, bold move running with Snarf as your vice president."

Liono: "I'll admit Panthro may have been a better choice. But at least I don't have a head that's too big for my body."

Jack: "Do I smell kitty litter?"

Liono: "BIG HEAD!"

Jack: "That's it!"

Liono: "Thundercats HO-OH!"

My Little Black Cloud

"If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!"- Lemony Snicket (Horseradish)

I'm an optimist. I do believe that eventually everything will be all right, after inevitably wading through colossal amounts of agonizing emotional and physical suffering. It snowed today but I am optimistic it will be sunny again someday, although I worry that I could be sick the day its sunny and not be able to go outside. If it is ever sunny again I would love to go camping. But chances are it would snow. Or we could forget to bring food with us and break the zipper on our tent while we are inside of it and when we call for help the only thing that hears us is a family of bears who also forgot to bring food with them and so they eat us. Then everyone will wonder "Where are the Sortors on this fine sunny day?"

That blogging is so hot right now

Blogging brings out the narcissist in all of us. But lets be honest, nobody really cares what I have to say. So enjoy the photos and take any commentary you do read with a grain of salt; I am a huge Will Ferrell fan.