A Christmas Post

In his book The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis refers to it as "the law of undulation". It is the idea that everything about our human nature is cyclical: our relationships, our attitudes, our interests, our spirituality, our convictions. It is an idea that I personally experience on a regular basis and one that I don't particularly enjoy. But enjoy it or not, there are times when I am on. And there are times when I am way off.

• There are times when I keep my house sparkly clean and ordered.
  
  
• There are times when we wade through laundry, crumbs, and chaos.
  
  
• There are times when I feel very pleased with how attractive, funny, and well-liked I am.
  
  
• There are times when I catch my reflection and see nothing but lame.
  
  
• There are times when I am a patient and attentive Mommy, making delicious meals for my family, exercising, and reading books in my spare time.
  
  
• There are times when I am impatient and self-centered, feeding my family leftover pizza for breakfast, scarfing down whatever chocolate I can find in the house, and watching online movie-previews.
  
  
• There are times when I have meaningful prayers, read my scriptures daily, look for ways to serve others, and feel humble and happy.
  
• There are times when I choose to focus on other things, worry too much about what other people might think of me, question my life choices, and let my pride get in the way of my testimony.

For better or worse we can never seem to stand still. These past few months I've been on the downswing; my faith taking it full in the face.

Sunday I received a text from my church's Young Women's President. I am the Beehive advisor in my ward, meaning I am a leader over the twelve and thirteen year old girls. In light of the upcoming holiday, the president asked all of us (girls included) to bring something from home that symbolised our testimonies. I thought about this. I considered a picture I have hanging in my family room of Christ praying. I considered bringing a picture of my family. I considered bringing my scriptures or a hymn book. But then while I was getting ready for church, looking through my jewelry box I found it: a locket my mom gave me when I was six or seven years old. Inscribed on the front of it is "I am a Child of God." I put it on and went to church.

And out of all the symbols I could have chosen that one statement best represents my feelings. Because there are times when I am good and there are times when I'm not. But one thing remains constant: I am a child of God. And regardless of whether I keep a clean house, or feel good about myself, am always a good mother, or read my scriptures daily, His perfect parental love for me doesn't change- only my ability to feel it. And I know He is always there.

Psalms 46:10 "Be Still and know that I am God."

Merry Christmas.