Yesterday I finally snapped.
It was fast Sunday. During the YW/YM combined lesson I had to continuously break up the hormonal teenagers in front of me. After church I was the lone leader assigned to stay after and clean the building while my family waited in the car. No young women stayed to help me. I ranted all the way home from church. I walked into my shredded house. Clothes, toys, shoes, a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich, green food coloring, cup-cake crumbs, diapers, dirty blankets, last night's dinner, wrapping paper. "I am done." I declared to whoever would listen. Oddly everyone had dispersed so I had to talk louder. "I said I am done!"
By Saturday I was on the edge of the edge.
It was the day of Brooklyn's Halloween-themed sixth-birthday party. She had a soccer game that morning which I was forced to miss due to some last minute preparation. Fortunately I had made the 24 chocolate cupcakes in advance. The decorations were up, and costumes were complete. But the house was still a mess, there was a spider web to be hung, green frosting to be made, and I hadn't even showered yet. In the end the only real problem was Avery's home-made wig which kept falling off her.
Brooklyn and her friends had a great time with or without Avery's wig, so my mission was accomplished! Still, I'm not going to lie to you: keeping ten kids under control and entertained was no picnic and by three-thirty I was ready to put on my pj's and fall asleep on the couch. But we had invited our good friends over to play a rousing game of "Settlers of Catan" which was every bit as relaxing as world domination can be. Though fun in its own right, by the end of the game Andy and I were no longer speaking as our friends made their hasty departure.
Friday was pushing it as I readied myself for Brook's party in between school, piano lessons, and every day responsibilities.
Thursday I was feeling the pressure as I served my time in Brooklyn's classroom as a Parent Volunteer and declined a baby shower due to lack of breathing room.
Wednesday was Avery's Joy School field trip to the pumpkin patch. After dropping Brook off at school, enjoying some lovely autumn weather with Avery, picking Brook up from school, getting her ready for soccer practice, dressing for the temple, dropping all three children off with our excellent next-door-neighbors, and eating a quick meal at Chick Fillet...
Andy and I actually got to go to the Oquirhh Mountain Temple. It was a beautifully quiet, peaceful experience. And if it hadn't been for this small break in my insane week I surely would have snapped sooner.
Tuesday I still had the energy to mop the floor, make appetizers, and set up chairs for Book Club. Of course it was still crazy because I also had a Young Women's activity from which I rushed home to put the kids to bed before brewing hot chocolate in time for my ladies to arrive. The discussion was well worth it. Apparently Pride and Prejudice and Zombies isn't for everyone but made for one exciting book club debate.
Monday I was determined to put what had inspired me into practice. I would make a greater effort to read my scriptures. Spend more quality time with my children. Have more meaningful personal prayers. We had Family Home Evening that night.
Saturday and Sunday was the semi-annual General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is a opportunity to listen to the prophet and apostles and other leaders speak and what they have to say is always inspirational. It always makes me want to be a better person. This time I was especially touched. http://www.lds.org/move/index.html?type=conference&event=Oct179&lang=english My favorite part of conference was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing "Oh Divine Redeemer" in the Sunday afternoon session.
This was the beginning.
I always start off strong, brimming with faith and good intentions. And then somewhere along the way I get lost in all the demands of life, some of which are inherent some of which I choose. I become overwhelmed and within one lame little week I am done.
I woke up this morning with nothing but every-day life ahead of me. Renewed energy, renewed determination. Ready to begin again. Because I'm not done.
Not even close.
7 comments:
If a may impart my 11 extra years I have on you, Sis (sorry, I'm pulling rank right now), it's this:
Don't try to do it all at once.
That was a pattern of mine for years. I'd get all spiritually fired up and start reading my scriptures every morning, saying my evening and morning prayers, holding FHE, going to the temple that week, etc.
But what inevitably happened, is that I would CRACK from my own self-imposed rigidity, lose my patience (and temper) and chase any spirit of Christ that was there in the beginning, FAR away.
Then, after a few of those episodes, I became resentful. Why do I become my worst when I'm trying to be my best?
Why?
Because I hadn't learned moderation. Because the Lord operates on the principle of "line-upon-line, precept-upon-precept".
If you're not holding FHE, saying your prayers, or reading the scriptures regularly, choose ONE, and ONLY one of those things to work on until it becomes a natural part of your life.
THEN add another, and another after that.
Sorry this is so long, but I feel so incredibly strong about this.
Love ya
:)
Sounds like your week was about as "fun" as ours. The thing that's stressing me our right now is this: we are just beginning the holiday season. I feel like I can't breath already and won't be able to until February 15th (which is when we're finally done with birthdays, holidays, off track times, and such). I'm trying to remember that this is supposed to be a wonderful time in life and that, at very least, I don't have 19 kids like that one lady on TV, so I should be able to handle it. But, during "fun" weeks like these, it's definitely tough to handle.
Best of luck to you and just remember, there is another mom just down the street feeling the same way.
yah, i've been there. actually this morning. i wanted to cry, i did. i wanted to stay home, but i didn't & puked in the car. now i'm here at work, covering the germ infested front desk praying i'll make it to my doc. appt tomorrow without a fever or swine flu like other co-workers. argh! and yesterday, geoff got a job...see, it started out so well...geoff getting a job, him headed to the temple this morning and then i go and puke, blah!
here's to being determined to overcome and continue on...
I'm so pleased at your good attitude(s). Attitude really IS everything. You are doing great, Honey(s)! Just keep right on sucking the marrow right out of this life and letting to "bones" fall to the ground to be left behind.
Love you
Di, we're totally digging that new pic of the girls in your header :)
Andy? or you?
me :)
How did I miss this post? I totally saw the B-day pics post and LOVED THEM!! I sat envying your daughter's tights and photogenicality, and that picturesque smoking cupcake shot...But this post rocks! It shows what an inspiration you are in your highly humble, self-deprecating, and yet ever-striving style. "I'm Done!" is a mantra at our house only too familiar to the family's ears - - but thank goodness we do find out again and again - we're really not done...AMEN!
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