Twenty-seven Things I've Learned

Its official. Today I turn that magical age of twenty-seven. Much the same as twenty-six you say? I beg to differ. Perhaps I'm only a little bit wiser, a tad more mature and self-assured, a little less likely to lose this pregnancy weight- Sure. After all, what difference could one year make at this point? I'd like to think I learn something new every year. Sometimes, I even learn two or three things a year. I know. I'm kind of amazing. In most ways I will admit, I'm probably the same old Diana. Worry-prone, yes. Slightly off, yes. Really, really, ridiculously good-looking, maybe. But to tell you the truth I feel like I've learned some valuable lessons lately that I would like to share with you now. I call them "Twenty-seven things I've learned." MMM-yes, very creative I know.

1. Nausea can serve a duel purpose; one- to satisfy a fetus, two- to make me appreciate life.
2. Nothing compares to watching my children share and play nicely together.
3. Sometimes others see me more clearly than I see myself.
4. Happy jobs make happy husbands.
5. Even when we make a minimal effort Heavenly Father watches out for us.
6. I need to pick my battles.
7. Blogging is both fun and therapeutic.
8. Some people need more personal space than others.
9. People are generally more concerned about their own flaws than yours.
10. Cheese soup is much harder to make than it should be.
11. Muppets are a whole different brand of scary.
12. We all need friends even if we don't all realize it.
13. Modelling isn't my cup of tea.
14. Nothing is radder than David Bowie's hair in "Labyrinth".
15. With the right camera, anyone can be a great photographer.
16. Sometimes just laying in the sunshine is all I really need.
17. Everything is good at the Cheesecake Factory.
18. I'm an extrovert with a white personality.
19. You don't really know a person until you see how they react to tragedy.
20. Its futile to appeal to one's good nature, when one is a tow-truck driver.
21. Paying a little extra for a good haircut is totally worth it.
22. The first step to friendship is exposing yourself as the nerd you are.
23. Needing someone to talk to isn't a weakness.
24. Being pessimistic isn't as fun as it looks.
25. There is no gain without sacrifice.
26. Extreme exaggerations, or half-truths are useful tools in creative writing.
27. Nothing beats waking up to your children and husband jumping on the bed, mauling you while exclaiming "Happy Birthday Mommy!" Its the best.

My Real Life Nightmares: Part One

Unless you are a freakishly secure person, or a very heavy sleeper you know the terror of a nightmare. You've felt the embarrassment of being naked in public. You've known the frustration of not being able to locate your locker. You've shared in the dread of being chased only to discover you run in slow motion. You've watched with horror as your nose dissolves into your face...or not. You know, whatever. You know how bad dreams take you right up to that moment before you hit the pavement, and then you wake up. Granted sometimes you wake up punching your sleeping husband, crying, and giving him ultimatums, but eventually you get a grip and realize with relief that it was just a dream and that you still have all your front teeth.

Then there are times when horribly embarrassing, emotionally scaring things happen to us in real life and the only way to make ourselves feel better is to share these occasions on our blog for the enjoyment of friends and family members. So without further ado I give you My Real Life Nightmares: Part One.

A little personal history: Until I came to live in Utah, my senior year of high school, I lived with my family in a very secluded, wooded town in Northern CA. When I say secluded and wooded, I am talking no traffic lights. No lamp posts. You know how when you go camping in the middle of nowhere. Well, you take a couple lefts and that's where I lived. We did have neighbors, but it was hard to see them through the trees. And when it was dark outside you could see every star in the constellation. Very remote. Very spooky to be home alone.
My dad was the manager of a geothermal power plant and he was NOT well liked. He had a tendency to take over other people's jobs, and that tended to rub people the wrong way. At the time of this story, one of the men he had fired had been calling our house in a very threatening sort of way. He would always call when my dad wasn't home and if Angie or I picked up he would harass us. Pretty creepy.
I was probably fifteen at the time. It was nighttime and Mom and Dad were gone. He called and I hung up on him. Later that night the phone rang unexpectedly again. I answered and was greeted once again with "Your dad home?" That was it. In emotionally charged situations I often morph from harmless innocent into dirty fighting sailor with tats. Not unlike Jekyl and Hyde. I turn into my father. I let the dude have it. "Listen ^&%^&! If you ever call back here again I will %#$$##@! all over your sorry $#@!!*!" Silence. That'll teach that scumbag. And then, "Diana? Is that you? This is Brother Moore from the bishopric."

Oops.

Morphing quickly back into harmless innocent, I cried and explained and apologized. But I couldn't help but notice a little gleam in his eye whenever he saw me at church from then on. Cussing out a member of the bishopric; one of my more nightmarishly embarrassing experiences. Don't think I ever gave Dad that message. And I don't need to tell you that Brother Moore never crossed me again.