Happy Birthday to Me.

Today I am 28 years old. Strange, I don't feel any different. Well that's not entirely true. I do feel a bit more mature. A bit wiser maybe. A bit more contented with who I am even though the dream of playing keyboard in a punk-rock band becomes less likely each year. Even though being mistaken for a teenager (a troubled teenager with three children) becomes less flattering each year. Unless you take into account that my back hurts most of the time and that confused/angry/I can't see very well wrinkle in between my eyes is starting to stick. All things considered, I don't feel much different. In honor of this day I give you:

"28 Ways I Still Feel the Same."

1. I still have weird action/adventure dreams almost every night. Two nights ago it involved a young Val Kilmer who was highly insulted when I couldn't remember his name.
2. I still have a hard time finding long sleeves that come all the way to my wrist because of my genetically mutated monkey arms.
3. I still plan to write a book. About what I know not. But I still plan to write one.
4. I still envision myself with long flowing hair when the reality is I cannot grow this straw past my shoulders. I've been trying to for as long as I can remember.
5. I still prefer reading a good book to almost any other activity.
6. I still drink milk with almost every meal.
7. I still don't know what the crap the lyrics from "Glycerine" even mean. But they make me sad.
8. I still dislike raw onions.
9. I am still terrified of spiders.
10. I still crack jokes that nobody gets on the off chance that SOMEONE will laugh and then maybe that person will want to be my friend. That doesn't usually happen.
11. But I still laugh at my own jokes though.
12. I still believe that real ice cream is good for you.
13. I still feel the need to apologize after every social interaction.
14. I still swear when I stub my toe.
15. I still swear when someone cuts me off in traffic.
16. I still swear because sometimes its kind of funny.
17. I still pretend like I don't like swearing.
18. I still hate doing the laundry.
19. I still love swinging on the swing set.
20. I still prefer jeans and a tee-shirt to any other ensemble.
21. I still look like a retarded hippo when I run.
22. I still get really excited about Tim Burton movies.
23. I still put my feet up on the dashboard if I'm riding shotgun.
24. I still run into walls a lot.
25. I still can't hold still when I hear "Billy Jean".
26. I still like my salsa cut with sour cream.
27. I still can't watch the nurse when I get blood drawn.
28. I still get overly excited about my birthday!

WOO- HOO!

Round #1,179

Oh my holy crap. I will begin with the end.


Yesterday I finally snapped.


It was fast Sunday. During the YW/YM combined lesson I had to continuously break up the hormonal teenagers in front of me. After church I was the lone leader assigned to stay after and clean the building while my family waited in the car. No young women stayed to help me. I ranted all the way home from church. I walked into my shredded house. Clothes, toys, shoes, a half-eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich, green food coloring, cup-cake crumbs, diapers, dirty blankets, last night's dinner, wrapping paper. "I am done." I declared to whoever would listen. Oddly everyone had dispersed so I had to talk louder. "I said I am done!"


By Saturday I was on the edge of the edge.


It was the day of Brooklyn's Halloween-themed sixth-birthday party. She had a soccer game that morning which I was forced to miss due to some last minute preparation. Fortunately I had made the 24 chocolate cupcakes in advance. The decorations were up, and costumes were complete. But the house was still a mess, there was a spider web to be hung, green frosting to be made, and I hadn't even showered yet. In the end the only real problem was Avery's home-made wig which kept falling off her.

Brooklyn and her friends had a great time with or without Avery's wig, so my mission was accomplished! Still, I'm not going to lie to you: keeping ten kids under control and entertained was no picnic and by three-thirty I was ready to put on my pj's and fall asleep on the couch. But we had invited our good friends over to play a rousing game of "Settlers of Catan" which was every bit as relaxing as world domination can be. Though fun in its own right, by the end of the game Andy and I were no longer speaking as our friends made their hasty departure.

Friday was pushing it as I readied myself for Brook's party in between school, piano lessons, and every day responsibilities.

Thursday I was feeling the pressure as I served my time in Brooklyn's classroom as a Parent Volunteer and declined a baby shower due to lack of breathing room.

Wednesday was Avery's Joy School field trip to the pumpkin patch. After dropping Brook off at school, enjoying some lovely autumn weather with Avery, picking Brook up from school, getting her ready for soccer practice, dressing for the temple, dropping all three children off with our excellent next-door-neighbors, and eating a quick meal at Chick Fillet...

Andy and I actually got to go to the Oquirhh Mountain Temple. It was a beautifully quiet, peaceful experience. And if it hadn't been for this small break in my insane week I surely would have snapped sooner.

Tuesday I still had the energy to mop the floor, make appetizers, and set up chairs for Book Club. Of course it was still crazy because I also had a Young Women's activity from which I rushed home to put the kids to bed before brewing hot chocolate in time for my ladies to arrive. The discussion was well worth it. Apparently Pride and Prejudice and Zombies isn't for everyone but made for one exciting book club debate.

Monday I was determined to put what had inspired me into practice. I would make a greater effort to read my scriptures. Spend more quality time with my children. Have more meaningful personal prayers. We had Family Home Evening that night.

Saturday and Sunday was the semi-annual General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It is a opportunity to listen to the prophet and apostles and other leaders speak and what they have to say is always inspirational. It always makes me want to be a better person. This time I was especially touched. http://www.lds.org/move/index.html?type=conference&event=Oct179&lang=english My favorite part of conference was the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing "Oh Divine Redeemer" in the Sunday afternoon session.

This was the beginning.

I always start off strong, brimming with faith and good intentions. And then somewhere along the way I get lost in all the demands of life, some of which are inherent some of which I choose. I become overwhelmed and within one lame little week I am done.

I woke up this morning with nothing but every-day life ahead of me. Renewed energy, renewed determination. Ready to begin again. Because I'm not done.

Not even close.