My Own Drum

"The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father's children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole." - Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

OK, let's be honest. So I'm a little off. That made public education a little more colorful for me, but as I've grown to accept myself and everybody else, I'm finding that I get fewer and fewer blank stares, fewer rude hand-gestures thrown my way, fewer torch-wielding mobs demanding my immediate removal. Life is good nowadays, but it has been a long and lonely road. There was a time I found myself torn between the knowledge that I couldn't be- didn't want to be- anyone but myself and the feeling that being myself was unacceptable. After all, how could God not favor angel-faced, soft-spoken, goal-setting, casserole-making, jumper-clad optimists over little misfit me? And yet I've met and admired so many misfits in this world, and have come to understand what Elder Wirthlin is talking about. We are all misfits. And Heavenly Father is no respecter of persons. Our circumstances vary, our experiences, our brain chemistry, our tastes, temperaments, hair-styles, trials, cooking-skills, and other talents all render each of us essentially incomparable.
I believe we are here to learn to love God and we do that by serving each other. The very nature of service demands our differences. If we were all the same, none of us would have anything to offer. It is humbling to realize how much we need each other. I consider myself exceptionally blessed by the diverse variety of people I've been privileged to know. I've had the opportunity to glimpse talents far beyond my own. I've learned of self-sacrifice, endurance, long-suffering, hard work, and generosity. I've seen sweetness, integrity, humility, sincerity, good-humor, clarity, and genuine friendship. And I'm confident somewhere in that list of goodness there's a little niche with a footnote especially for me.

Its inspiring to be surrounded by so many good people who do the best they can in the face of overwhelming odds; whether those overwhelming odds include being threatened with a gun, or getting a plastic cooler stuck under your car while driving along I-15, struggling to be a better parent, or coming to terms with the fact that you look very much like Rob Schneider. Hey, we all have our things.

Interview with a Vampire

Me: So Mr. Vampire-

Vampire: Call me Phil.

Me: OK Phil. So it turns out you're a little peeved about coming in last place in our scariness poll. Is that right?

Phil: You know, Zombies I can understand. I've got to admit they're pretty freaky. But Julia Roberts? I could eat Julia Roberts for breakfast.

Me: If only. So why is it, do you think people are no longer taking you seriously? I mean you made a deal with the devil, command legions of ravenous wolves, stalk young women, suck your victim's blood, occasionally turning them into minions of the damned. What gives?

Phil: You know, the sad truth is it takes a thousand years to build an evil reputation and only a few to tear it down. I blame the "Twilight" series. What kind of wussy vampire is that Edward anyway? Put a stop to Bella's incessant whining and bite her already! I don't care how good she smells- less adolescent flirting, more slow-tormented death.

Me: Beautifully put Phil. You seem to feel strongly about this.

Phil: Oh, you don't even know. Since that book of lies emerged my phone's been ringing off the hook- people inviting me to midday luncheons, baby-showers, golf-tournaments-

Me: So you feel you've kind of lost your edge?

Phil: Even Renfield's been on my case- wants to see me "sparkle" in the sunlight. Its like a bowie knife right through my heart. Just because Edward doesn't turn to dust...

Me: Do you need a moment?

Phil: Sorry. Its just that sometimes I feel like disappearing back into the Carpathian Mountains, you know? I might lay low for a while, feast on some local wenches. Maybe give Julia Roberts a call.

Me: If its any consolation, I think you're super-duper scary...Phil?

My Zombie Encounter

I know what you're thinking, "But Diana, aren't Zombies just fictional monsters found in such hilarious films as "Night of the Living Dead"?" No, my naive back-talking friend, they are real. I know because I saw one in the RC Willey parking- lot just off Redwood Road not a fortnight ago.

Every so often Andy and I like to pretend like we have the money to afford new pieces of furniture. We go a-looking, find that everything is unreasonably expensive and instead splurge on gas-station doughnuts. It was on one such occasion, while waiting for an opportunity to pull out of the RC Willey parking lot, that we spotted him- a real live zombie. His blue hood was pulled completely over his eyes, but exposed his gaping mouth. His legs- stiff from being dead so long, his arms held out limply in front of him as he staggered towards our stagnate vehicle. I pointed him out to Andy, who was equally concerned at the rate at which he was approaching my passenger- window, apparently hankering for brains. The very moment before he hit our car, Andy put her in reverse. This sudden movement served to disorient him momentarily- throwing him off the scent. We watched in stunned silence as he reared his hooded head and let out an fevered moan of disappointment the likes of which I will never forget, and then continued down the sidewalk in his rambling zombie way. It was a narrow miss, and I am pleased not to have joined the hellish army of the living dead. Still, some part of me wished the little fella luck in his never-ending pursuit for juicy brains.